Words to Live By

Musing about the personal mottos that guide us.

When we were growing up, my mother would send us kids out the door to school with a parting phrase: Keep your eyes and ears open and your mouth shut. It was the midst of the baby boom, with classroom sizes unheard of today. Mom didn’t want to be called to school because of a recalcitrant child. Let that shame fall on some other family. When newborn me joined the family, it already included two teens, a grammar school-aged child, and a six-year-old in a two bedroom apartment. I recall fights over the single bathroom and arguments over whether Elvis, the Beatles or the Rolling Stones played on our stereo. I bet Mom loved the silence after we left home for the day.

It was easy to follow Mom’s directive, as I was a chubby child who avoided other’s attention. When I had children, did I shout advice as they left for school? I should ask them if they recall any words of wisdom I’d impart for the school day, but then, my part time work shift started before they even woke up, so I doubt it.

My personal motto had been mentally percolating long before I ever verbalized it. If not by Catholic tenets, I at least tried to live by the Golden Rule. I’m no saint and I’ve surely disappointed others in my life, but I truly fought what I call my “evil twin” from gaining the upper hand. In my heart, I wanted to be a helper. Also, I always loved learning. Any new concept or idea is fascinating to me! In time, “Do a good deed and learn something new every day” became my words to live by.

The good deed aspect came from an unusual source: an internet news article. An enormous jackpot lottery dominated the headlines, and the comment section teemed with vows to donate to cancer research, or homelessness, or veterans’ groups. Oh, what they would do with millions of dollars dropped into their laps! I used to think the same way.

One person’s comment struck me. “Why wait for millions of dollars? Five bucks to someone really hurting is huge. All those five dollar donations to charity add up, too.” How simple, and yet how profound! It rippled across a digital divide and resonated in me! The idea of “pay it forward” applied as well. In life, I’ve received small mercies that pulled me through difficult times from sources I couldn’t possibly repay. Mostly, it wasn’t anything material; it was the generous spirit of another. I could do this, too!

Living by my motto was easy during my hospital career, as there were frequently visitors or patients in the huge medical center where I worked who got lost or looked overwhelmed. It’s incredibly easy to offer a simple phrase of “you’re in a good place” or to say “let me walk you to where you need to go”.

The laboratory, staffed with talented doctors, made me a better technologist. The pathologists shared their knowledge and never made me feel lesser because the letters behind my name were not as prestigious as the ones behind theirs. Medical research is constantly uncovering the mysteries of life, and by working in a teaching hospital, I, too, could learn.

After leaving my technology career, fulfilling my motto became more challenging. As I’ve embarked upon my lifelong dream of writing, I’m constantly learning about the writing and publishing community. Again, I’ve been the recipient of kindness. I know how difficult breaking into publishing is, and so I guess I imagined it full of cut throat adversaries. What a delightful discovery to find encouragement and support!

Good deeds are a harder task. I resist the default of walking through life head down and not noticing the humanity swirling around. With a bit of introverted tendencies myself, speaking to others puts me outside my comfort zone. Keep your eyes on the ground, or focused somewhere in the distance, and you’ll miss the parent struggling to open the door with a stroller. You won’t see the person in the handicap parking space hanging onto the cart, wondering how to return that cart to a stall. Maybe you won’t bother to say a few words to an elderly person out in public alone, and if you don’t, they might not exchange a single word with another person all day.

If I am posed the question, “Are most people good?” I always, always say yes, even in these troubling times. I am heartened when I witness the graciousness of others, small gestures that are probably second nature to them.

The feel good stories that go viral often carry lofty goals. By all means, start that GoFundMe for the 80-year-old gentleman working to pay his wife’s medical bills. Organize a group that cleans up a vacant lot and builds an accessible playground. But if you believe the only way to make a difference is to go large or not at all, you’re missing the point, and you’re missing your opportunity.

Do we, should we, need recognition for the good we do in the world? Probably not. Still, I believe altruism should be applauded so that we are all compelled to check that “yes” box.

What’s your personal motto? What kindnesses have you received? Please place them in the comment section!